Online Dating: In With The Times Or Another Internet Evil

In its initial stage, some technological advancement always seems to be a really, really great thing. Then just like a new toy, it gets to be part of normal life. Finally, this normality turns into necessity; much like eating or sleeping. Imagine just taking away your computer, phone, car, and T.V. and you will see exactly what I am refering to. Every one of these remarkable inventions are a part of our lives.

Just imagine back over a century ago when none of these inventions existed. How did people conduct business? How did they meet to go out on the town? Meet people to date? Well the answer is the same way we do today, only its at a faster, better, and more redundant pace. Humans have always done the exact same things as when they were created (I'll get into the creation theory another day). The only difference for us human beings is what tools we have had to our disposal. Usually these tools have been people themselves up until very recently with the advent of computers. Before the phones and computers and cars and such, people were used to initiate the communication between Party A and Party B. Good people and bad used what they had to acheive what they wanted. Now with todays technology take those same good and bad people and apply the technologies we have.

The key has always been communication. So what's wrong with the T.V.? T.V. is a wonderful way to get information and watch some of the creative ideas of others. Without it you would have had to go to a play or sporting event to get domestic entertainment. The problem with T.V. though is that people can get caught watching it no matter what is on. This leads to an overuse of it which then leads to not doing other things that us humans are meant to do. We certainly were not meant to watch a T.V. all day. Cell phones are an easy way to keep people in touch but sometimes it can be a way to annoy or harass people. Cars get people places much quicker but there is an associated risk of injury or death from operating a vehicle. Finally, with the Internet, you can get all kinds of information at rapid speeds, but at the same time you can be caught doing immoral or even illegal activities.

The point to all of this is that with each technology there is always a good and a bad associated. So lets take online meeting / dating. This has been used through instant messenger services such as AOL, MSN, Yahoo, etc.. There are also newer forms which put people together in certain groups such as Facebook.com or XuQa.com. These services are more intricate forms of IM, with deep profiles and abilities to send messages. Then you have those pay services that match up your personality with someone with the same interests.

With meeting and dating, traditionally it has occured from meeting friends of friends or relatives, or at some kind of traditional social event. Nowadays you can make a random search and find a profile, then try to talk to them in hopes that they are this wonderful person in which the profile seems to suggest. Most of the time it doesn't work, once in a while you will talk to someone for a while. If all goes well you might get a picture or god forbid to the traditionalists, meet up with them.

This is where the concept of online dating takes an evil turn for many. But is this really evil? Well the answer is that it depends. The good people will be taking it seriously and the bad people will take advantage of the good people. This leads back to a lesson from a previous post of being proactive to research before you get into something. But this concept is true for EVERYTHING, no matter if its online dating, traditional dating, or even if your going to a strip club. Women are especially vunerable to the evils of online dating. But women have always been vunerable around men. However, men have always needed women so the balance is why the man and woman relationship exists.

So, what do we do with online dating? Should it be condemned, banned, restricted? My belief is that online dating can be a good thing and should not be a chastised thing. Here are my takes for this topic:

a) There should be a minimum age for using the internet and instant messenger and a minimum age to engage in instant messenger or other services for online dating.
--> The latter is basically already in place with exception of the AOLs and Yahoo messengers out there. The key to this are parents who are educated about this and them educating their children properly.

b) Educate yourself on who you are talking to.
--> A profile and a picture is not enough to know about someone. You want multiple pictures in different scenes to indicate that more than likely these are not fakes. Also, look for inconsistencies with information the other person provides. If they start to say different things related to themselves then that is a red flag to not meet up or at least extend that until you are satisfied with the disparity.

c) DO not talk and meet online in the same day.
--> This is huge. You cannot know someone after one night. A good measuring stick is to wait 2-3 weeks at a minimum before meeting up with someone that is online. That way you have plenty of time to verify pictures, that person's info and personality, as well as their habits and intentions of the meeting.

d) Call and talk to that person before meeting.
--> Calling usually allows both people to verify a lot of the information that has been given. It's quite difficult to fake a phone conversation that is exactly like the discussion online. However, calling should not occur the first night either. This should wait for at least a week.

e) Once meeting in person, treat it almost like a first encounter in a traditional setting.
--> This is important for the single reason that talking to someone is much much different from talking on the phone or talking online. Talking online only shows words, talking on the phone shows words and voice, but meeting in person puts it all together with a picture and allows a true assessment. Here in the person to person meeting is where it will be ultimately decided if the engagement is worthwhile or not.

f) Keep in mind online where you are and what kind of possibilities you have.
--> If you weren't blessed with looks, you probably won't get much of a shake. But you never know. The beauty is that getting rejected is not that big a deal and there are a lot of fish in the pond. On the other hand though, if someone is good looking and a popular guy or girl, what REALLY are the odds that you will see these people online much. They usually don't need these forms of communication to meet people and so this can be a hindrance. Starting with the mid to late 20's though, this idea is diminished and there is more of a presence from everyone.

If these steps are followed, then online dating in my opinion is a great thing and will make the chance of truly meeting that special someone increase. You should not be ashamed of it.. besides once you meet them in person and talk to them, what is the difference between that and what was done traditionally. In reality, this is actually better than a traditional or blind date setting because you have knowledge of a person already and can focus on the emotional parts of the relationship.

Finally, deep in mind what online dating does. It keeps people together who may be 2,000 miles away for 2 minutes away. You can meet many more people from different parts of the world than traditionally. Usually in the traditional sense you are left to a game of chance to meet someone. There is a religious debate that can be argued however for this purpose, In this case though I'm refering to the sheer numbers of people you get to meet. Also with online dating you can take away your body language and strictly communicate with people. This could be good around a wife or boss, but can also be quite shady. No matter what though, anything you hide will come to bite you back later so it's better to be up front with it.

In my personal view, I do not eliminate meeting someone online. I have actually done this before and have mostly had failures. But it is not impossible. I wasn't doing it the right way. In my mind I PREFER to meet traditionally because it seems to go with the thrill of the chase, but on top of that I would like a good story to tell my grandchildren. However, which ever way I do end up meeting my future wife (god willing), I won't be ashamed of the way I met her. The key here: be yourself and everything will fall into place the right way. This leads to the lesson...

LESSON 9: Everyone has a set of cards. These cards are not equal to another person's cards. The true test of the human spirit and the fulfillment of life are those who take the most advantage of the cards they are dealt.

The more things change, the more they REALLY do stay the same...